A very warm hello to you and the best wishes in advance, as you're about to get yourself a date! I know it's been a while and the loneliness is becoming kinda unbearable now. Looking at those couples holding hands and whispering sweet nothings, while you sit alone fiddling with the internet on your phone trying to find ways on How To Find A Date is getting old and a bit annoying.
Even the ugly duckling living next door found someone cute to go watch a romantic comedy with and you're still confused with what to download next, as you've pretty much watched everything! Even that dating app which everybody is raving about did nothing for you! But wait, if they say that dating app is trending nowadays then who the hell is using it? How do theyy find perfect matches & you're still stuck with fake profiles?
How did Pummy auntie's daughter found a shona baby and you're still scrolling your FB feed for the 20th time today? And how on earth did that retarded cousin found a babe to go for bike rides on his Splendor everyday and you're still driving your mum in your pimped out Hyundai! "Am I doing something wrong or am I really not that attractive??" The answer my clueless pal is: no and no. Let's figure out what are you doing wrong.
11 mistakes that you make:
1. Being an egoistic prick / b*tch:
If you think too much of yourself and treat people like peasants then in the dating world you're a complete no-no. You might think it makes you look important, sassy or cool and the opposite sex will dote on you, then you're living in a fool's paradise. Even if luck strikes and you do manage a date then trust me it won't last long as you'd be dumped like the morning trash. And you'd be left wishing that you were better off single than being hated or laughed upon by the entire town. Yes, you'd stay single forever and people will think that you're gay.
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2. Being shy as a mouse:
I hate to break it down for ya but yes its a dog-eat-dog world out there. If you're the quite kinds who wish to speak the bare minimum, then the opposite sex will either consider that you're a boring noob or an arrogant schmuck. Yep, shy folks are often misjudged as pompous jerks so better look out. If you're a shy guy than girls will consider you weak as every lady looks for an alpha male in their partner and if you're a shy girl then guys will recognize you as dull & lame while they start flirting with your bold bestie. And your gal pals will think that you're an uptight Himachali lesbian!
3. Being dressed like a slum dweller or a bhaji wali (vegetable vendor) :
If you dress too shabby and scruffy with dirty old clothes/footwear, untucked&sweaty shirts, loose, unflattering and ill fitted dresses then you might just get a cat for a companion. In this constantly judging society we are assessed essentially by our clothes, so if you're one of those careless dressers then its time you start dressing up as if the queen is going to meet you. Another huge turnoffs are ripped jeans, so if you're not a Salman Khan or a Kangna Ranaut lookalike then dump those hobo jeans in the closest dumpster and for God sake don't think of donating it and make a less unfortunate look unfortunate!
4. Being under confident of your looks or assuming nobody's going to fancy you:
Under confidence is a deal breaker in any situation of your life. You won't just miss on your first conversation with that cute 'bandi' but you'd even miss it when that hot 'banda' tries to make a connection with you at that bakery. Under confidence is the cancer of the dating world, it will eat into the romantic in you & spit out a dork version of you. Every chance for those sparks to ignite the flame with that special one will be missed by you just cause you 'assumed' he was not that into you.
Every time God creates a chance for you to hop on the love ride and you chicken out, will just add more stress in your system and leave you under denser clouds of self doubt. And your friends will think that you might just be gay!
5. Being a technology slave in public:
How many times today did your mom/dad told you to keep that phone away or unplug your earphones while they talk? Well stop counting, listen to your folks and the next time you go out, be confident, walk straight, shove that phone/earplugs deep in your pocket & let cupid strike you. Most times people won't approach a girl/guy busy on a phone/laptop assuming they're occupied & don't wish to be bugged, so don't let that unfortunate girl/guy be you.
There ain't no point reading jokes on your phone in public when your phone is already playing a cruel joke on you! Keep the gadgets down and check out the fine guy/girl noticing you. Give him/her an engaging smile & let the sparks fly!
6. Being Desperate:
Let's say, your stars starts shining on you and Mata Rani blesses you with an attractive somebody and ya'll start messaging . Chances are you're going to put that person on a pedestal and start worshiping them with the word go.
Sending unnecessary texts even when they're not replying, showering gifts even though you barely know them, confronting them for missing your texts or if they get late to reply to you, asking them repeatedly if they like you, dishing out marriage plans when you just started exchanging messages, trying to impress with words or actions and always be available for them like you don't have a life is all going to lead to the untimely death of the beautiful start that could have led you to change your status on FB from 'single' to 'In a relationship'. But here you'e being taunted by your friends for being a homo!
7. Being a smoker, alcoholic or a 'nasheri' (Drug abuser):
So you think holding a cigarette or a beer bottle in your hand while you stand right outside the girls college makes you look like a Himachali clone of Sanjay Dutt? Well you're sadly mistaken amigo, you'd be denounced as a lowlife thug and every girl will save the PCR contact number on their speed dial for you. Call them hypocrites but even men low key don't save any respect for women who drink and smoke. On top if you pop pills, smoke bhang or do chitta, then most likely your crush themselves will rat you out to the cops even before you ask them out under that fake confidence.
Drugs will leave you impotent as such you'd stay single forever and if you have any friends left then, they'd call you 'thassi'.
8. Being an 'angrej' or an all out 'desi':
With 12 major districts and 60 small towns, Himachal Pradesh is still majorly a traditional state with minimum influence of the glitzy cities. Still few clowns will like to exhibit their swagger while dealing with straight-up desi folks. Especially while trying to start a conversation with the desi opposite sex, a thick accentuated English is dished out hoping to sway them away. You might anticipate this to work but your 'pendu' crush will mock you after they reject you and move on to the next desi contender.
Then there are desis expecting to rock with a refined English speaking guy/gal. Such 'pendu' personalities gets ridiculed and tagged as illiterate dummies with a zero chance of romance and an English learning book might get thrown at them.
9. Being with your squad all the time:
You love you friends, I get it but when you're always surrounded by a large group of loud mouths, then it leaves very little chances for you to be asked out or to ask out someone. A group of girls will spook most fellas meaning to ask you out & a group of guys will.. , well essentially most girls won't ask a guy out and if they do, then your 'bhaijees' will erupt in a pandemonium and make sure you stay anxious or jumpy, making the girl run away even before she come close to your goofy gang to ask you out.
Next, if you wish to ask someone out whilst you hang with your crew, then the jealous bunch of girls will get so critical about it that you'd break into a cat fight while the hyped group of guys will either break your confidence or mess up the whole rendezvous. Later they'd mock you by calling you gay!
10. Being a texting blunder:
So you found the number of that gorgeous babe or that handsome hunk. Next you will sprint to message him/her first with a worthless 'hi' and then wait for a reply till the cows come home! Okay, let's say you're blessed by Bhole himself and you do start getting replies, then like a monkey on acid, you'd either start typing absurd essays expressing your excitement and joy even when they aren't replying or bombard them with a volley of hysterical questions like Karan Johar with his rapid fire round!
You might also play the pretend prince or princess and type only one word reply, take your own sweet time to reply or worse, straight up ignore their text! That is exactly when the other party will realize you're a waste of time and they might as well play PUBG or share it all with their gal pal and let them explain to her, how big a loser you are! Later, when you tell your bud how she quit replying, he will slap you with those gay insults!
11. Being an online dud:
It's obviously very difficult to score when you're trying on an online platform. Yes that is true when you suck like a hoover! Lets find out how well you do it:
- Your profile photo acts like a magnet so if you have old pictures with your comrade, family, a kid or an overdose of photo shop then you'd fall like a pack of cards, sooner or later.
- Second is your profile which has bare minimum, boring and controversial content. Listing just your height or skin color, your dull qualities or interests and attributes you're expecting in your date, will get you lemons or multiple fake profiles.
- If you do get a real person interested, then opening with a lame 'hey' or 'whats up', asking dumb questions like "so why are you on this site/app?" and trying too hard will kill the bird with 2 stones.
- Further, sending creepy messages and asking weird or disgusting questions will insure you get blocked at lightening speed.
- Most importantly, showing zero enthusiasm like answering a Q with zero scope for any more conversation (E.g: One word answers) & neither following-up with a Q, will leave the other person realizing they're better off with their hand or their vibrator!
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To save yourself from your friend's gay insults, try not to share your failed shot at online dating with'em. Infact wait for now, we'd get better and learn the traits of the game in the latter part of the blog.
Lonely Pradesh:
Life in Himachal Pradesh is quite but surreal with the spell of the mountains unknowingly enchanting you with its timeless beauty and the extravagance of the picturesque allure, day in and day out.
A lot of people traveling up the mountains prefer to voyage alone with a goal to find their soul, to realize the feel of meditation. Tired of their lives back in the loud and monotonous cities, these wanderlusts journey up solo to refresh their spirits, to give a new meaning to their conscience in the Abode of Gods. (If you're a solo woman traveler & worried about the safety factor, then flip through
How safe is Himachal for a solo woman traveler? )
With that logic in mind the locales should be free of any inhibitions with an essence of a catalyst! So how will the singles in the valley of Gods, who are trying hard to find a date come out triumphant? How will these lonesome mortals chasing their destinies but facing constant rejections, profit from their efforts? How will our 'bawa' find himself a beautiful 'bandi' or vice versa??
11 accurate ways to get yourself a date:
1. Hit every marriage, mela, mall road, museum/art gallery, bookstore, bank, concert, theater, seminar, park and wish every bloke/gal/uncle/auntie/baby that comes your way with a wide smile and be a total package. The idea is to announce that you're the cool cat and not a loose cannon. Later move in with your ploy on the appealing one, swallow your pride and initiate a conversation with a question or a simple observation.
2. Start right swiping NOWW:
Create an intriguing profile on the most popular dating app (I'd suggest Tinder) and let the matchmaking begin. Dating sites is your perfect stage to plan a dance with your prospective dreamboat in your area in complete privacy and no strings attached. Things cannot get any easier than this although it might involve little patience at times but with the right mix of strategies(a winning photo,an interesting profile & a witty and an engrossing conversation) you can get to pick your choice among a plethora of cute matches. Remember to be yourself and at your best behavior whilst you chit-chat.
3. Rain drop, drop top, get ur bae while you shop:
When in a store, go browse in the guy's section if you're a girl and if you're a guy, do the right opposite. While you're there, stay cool as a wolf & ask for help from a beautiful stranger in buying for your sibling. E.g "Hey!! I hope I am not bothering you but i need to pick-up a conditioner for my sister/brother & I'm really confused with all these bottles. Please help me or he/she gonna kill me!!".
If you put on an honest cry for help they'd easily fall for it & tag along. If they don't, then with a smile, excuse yourself and leave'em alone, it's totally okay, they must have a solid reason. For the ones who stay, talk'em up real good, buy a small gift for em as a token of thanks & on the way out ask em if they wanna catch up later for a coffee. Easy peasy:)
4. Throw a party and call as many dapper folks while encouraging'em to bring along their single friends. Entice em with an assurance of good people, trendy music and delicious grub. Although make sure you keep out the bad influences. You don't want your get-me-a-gf/bf party to turn into a wild rave! If you need few wicked tips to help you turn the heat on then go check out How to party in Himachal now!!
5. Profit from a Non - Profit Organization:
Enlist your name in a N.G.O. Yep, you sure can find a date as you help the society and while they do ask their volunteers to go about numerous activities, you sure can chat up your destined love as you pull off the humane work. A kind, sympathetic and contributive soul will tend to give his/her time for a N.G.O. And those 3 attributes are ideal for one to identify in a suitable partner.
So half of your work is done. Now you just need to fix an hour for a coffee, wherein you will suggest more such groups to lend a hand to! Along with dozens of fascinating anecdotes you will squeeze in and by the end of the meet-up, she/he will realize it was infact the start of an adorable dating game!
6. Friends with benefits:
Turn to your friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Be the friend they never had so they keep you on the v.i.p list when they throw a random bash wherein you get introduced to other attractive singles. Being a close favourite they'd recommend or endorse you whenever any of their other single friends asks them to hook em up or asks about you. Although there'd always be a jealous bunch to put you down so avoid telling anybody directly that you're longing for love, rather patiently work your way through unnoticed & into the arms of your friend's adorable friend!
7. On a bus called desire:
So you have to commute daily to work or college. Well ignore your car/bike and hop on the local bus or the H.R.T.C next time. When you do board one, take a quick stock of the situation. If you notice a cute single, walk up to them & courteously ask if the seat beside is taken. Once seated look for their status, if they're plugged-in, reading or gazing out the window, wait for em to be distraction free. Be super friendly and fashion a healthy conversation with open ended questions or point out to a view and cook up an amusing theory. If they respond positively to your bull, you're golden, if not, then leave em alone.
Amid your efforts if they sound inquisitive with questions, then boom! You've hit a home run & you can bring it home player! Ask their number on the way out & star in your own love story:)
8. Pet is Parmeshwar:
Take your adorable pet out for frequent walks and watch how your fur baby lure your prospective date to you by amusing em with the tricks you taught your doggo. You might want to dress em up (brings the awww... effect) to insure quick assured results. Even if your pet is a ferocious hound, there will always be an attractive mean-dog owner who won't mind discussing their beast. If you don't have a pet then borrow a cute fur ball from a well wisher. An apt conversation starter could be how
Dog's don't cry.
9. Devi da Prasad:
Being in Himachal Pradesh,the Land of Gods, there will always be a religious function thronged by singles of all class, caste, creed, colour, shapes and sizes. Be it lohri, a langar, a dham or a bhandara, leave no stone upturned to dig a chance to hit it off with a dreamy guy or a pretty damsel. Everybody is in good spirits during such occasions and being an event dedicated solely to the local Gods, you will be blessed with divine powers so don't let it go to waste and with a clear conscience, intention and blessings of Mata Rani, go get your puppy love now!
10. Find a date as you get in shape:
Kill 2 birds with one stone is the idea when we consider joining a gym or a yoga center. Yes, you'd get healthy without a doubt & you can get yourself a bf/gf too! When you do start one, keep these do's & don'ts deep within your psyche:
- Do not gawk at somebody working out & get identified as a creep, rather throw in a smile if you make eye contact and get on with your workout.
- Do not struggle to talk to somebody who got a head phone on,similarly, if you wish to be asked out then un plug'em and enjoy the gym music while a fine sculpted dude/dudette talks to you. Also do not interrupt somebody in the middle of a hot set, instead wait for'em to complete.
- Do not unleash your unsolicited tips on their workout unless you have been asked or try to show off by over doing a workout and ending up as an embarrassing spectacle by falling off or almost getting killed by a machine loaded with weights. On the contrary you can ask for advices with weights/rep targets or help with machines or even to teach you the exercise he/she doing for an easy breakthrough into a world of chitter-chatter.
- Hype'em when you see em complete a difficult rep on a machine, weights or an exercise and sound genuine about it. "Hey wow that was really impressive, you killed it!". Who doesn't like compliments especially when they know they did worked hard.
- Politely ask him/her if they'd be okay with you working out in between their sets. 95% of the folks will readily agree & thats when you can stay close to'em whilst ya'll both workout &that means natural flow of conversation, so you don't even have to tinker with your brain to think of something fun to talk about.
- Lastly, do not ask'em out right on ya'll first fun workout. If they turn you down then you do realize, you're going to visit the place daily, why mess with your peace & leave every day awkward? So rather build a stronger base in atleast a week and once you realize they're enjoying your company, hit em up with the "lets go get a coffee or catch a movie".
11. Be always cool with rejection. Every rejection is a step on your learning ladder to dating heaven. It's a lesson you need to learn. Bully yourself and laugh about it. Then move on to the next knight or dame and with a smile on your face, hit'em up with your best conversation:)
It's a complete ball whilst you search, meet a date & later figure out the fate! You'd find many & might loose em all but you'd still find one who will make you hang your boots and put on the marriage shoes! Life is a song so don't think a lot, complicate or hurt anybody but love yourself, everyone and enjoy the melody. Believe in Karma, it'l be served hot in a bowl & all the evil you bring upon your gf/bf will come right back & bite you in the a**hole . Be good ,don't stalk or harass & if you got a small wee-wee then don't hit that pretty lass. Live & let live, thats the bargain, yep it's true there's total magic in the mountains!
Godspeed.
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